Tuesday 11th March 2014 // Jack's 17th Birthday!

You know me, I love a good moan, but today I'm happy! Despite waking up with muscle pain near my dodgy gland (which suffers from reoccurring infections) and considering the fact that I probably can't put off surgery any longer, that is. After cuddling up to an ice-pack and drugging myself up with Ibuprofen last night, I woke up able to walk - which is always a blessing - and a good thing too because it's Jack's birthday. Being the poor student that I am I was only able to contribute a can of Coke to his cause but he didn't seem to mind.

Tuesdays are usually a bit of a bummer for me because most of the people I'd consider my 'best friends' are off but today was a total anomaly. It started off slow like normal, with Jack and I being forced to sit through Adele's Psychology lesson against our will, but soon picked up once everyone got into the spirit. Jack was completely spoilt by Keisha's family and, bless him, he had to lug about a massive cake for all of us to share. I'm not really a cake person but even I indulged. Later on, my English classmates and I were informed that our usual teacher wouldn't be in, and so we decided to skip our lesson with a substitute to go and celebrate Jack's birthday in style, which is where the fun really began.

Jack, Keisha, Shari, Manleen and I made our way into town and bought a decent amount of booze with the little money we had left, then sat by the river to drink to our heart's content. We sat on the grass listening to old music; my empty stomach meaning that I got pretty tipsy pretty quickly, but we were all still sober enough to tell Jack all the things we loved about him. For Keisha it was the little things in their relationship, for me it was the support he'd shown me in hard times. Shari was thankful for their long-lasting friendship and Manleen gave her reasons too. We went and pulled up a couple of daffodils for him, who unzipped his rucksack just enough to keep them showing. Cairo turned up and I even tried Shari's e-light (though to say I was crap at smoking it would be an understatement) although I'm pretty sure I wouldn't smoke a real cigarette no matter how drunk I was.

I knew I was making a fool of myself, but I didn't care all too much because everyone was happy and smiley. I don't think I've ever heard Keisha laugh so much. Obviously, it sucked that Paige wasn't there 'cuz she's basically my drinking buddy, but that said I know there'll be plenty more awesome days ahead for our little group to share. Today felt really special, like I was experiencing college life as it's supposed to be.

Hasta la vista! Meaghan xx

Friday 28th February 2014 // Mental Illnesses Aren't 'Labels'

For those of you who aren't AS Psychology students, let me assure you that the Rosenhan "Being Sane in Insane Places" core study is every bit as controversial, but not nearly as philosophical or respectable, as the title sounds. That is, pretending to be mentally ill - Schizophrenic to be exact - in the hopes that you can research how easy it is to get into a psychiatric hospital, is just a tiny bit unethical. Nowadays I tend to write blog-posts on things that have caught my eye; good or bad. Today, I'm moaning... again. I might take it up professionally. Anyway, the two aims of the Rosenhan study are as follows: 

1. "Find out whether mental health professionals can truly tell the difference between the sane and the insane"

2. "Discover the consequences of being labelled as insane"

What really got to me was the use of the word "labelled". Labelling someone as mentally ill. You cannot label someone with a mental illness! They either have one or they don't - in the same way that a Diabetes sufferer has not been labelled, they have been diagnosed. All the way through the core study it's labelled, labelled, labelled, and I'll be honest, I got bloody sick of it. Labels are social tags. Emo is a label, slag is a label, goth could even be classed as a label - but not Schizophrenia. It's a serious mental illness and a medical term, yet even my Psychology tutor was surrendering to the core study, spouting the word "label" just as much as the paper in front of me.

In her defence, she must not know that I have a mother with Schizophrenia. I thought about sticking my hand up in the air and arguing, but what would be the point? I have no doubt that she'd defend herself with some intelligent but still wrong response; leaving me with no chance but to agree with her, but no way in Hell was that happening. I didn't want to look like an idiot, nor did I really want to be that girl, the one that has to point out her mother is mentally ill. I didn't really want everyone in the room looking at me every time Schizophrenia is mentioned.

What I'd suggest to all teachers is, if you're studying a sensitive topic like mental illness with a group of teenagers, please find out beforehand if there's anyone in the class it might strike a nerve with. And please make sure you don't offend them by reducing a mental illness to a "label".

Meaghan

Thursday 23rd January 2014 // Introduction

I've had this blog for a while now. I used to post entries quite often, but every time I did, something bad happened - and to be completely honest I thought me writing things down was cursed or something - so I deleted everything. Recently though my friends at college have all had the balls to start their own blogs, so I thought I'd jump back on the bandwagon. LET'S ALL BE CURSED TOGETHER!

At the moment I'm studying at Joseph Wright in Derby, which is a college for A-Level students. Me and my best friend Paige joined at the same time, while my then-boyfriend decided to stay on at sixth form while pursuing his career with the RAF. Jayson and I had been together for almost three years before I left, so it was a huge decision for me to leave school to be at a college so far away from him. I was bullied pretty badly throughout my time at Swanwick, so I left at the first opportunity I saw. But I didn't understand that I'd be giving up Jayson, too. Four weeks after I started college, he said he started getting this weird feeling that "it was time". Neither one of us really understood it. So, realising there was nothing I could do to change his mind, we called it quits but decided to remain friends. This happened in October, yet I can't remember a single time when I've really opened up about how I feel about it. To be truthful, I'm probably never going to because there are some things you just can't put into words. People who knew us both sometimes ask if there's any chance we'd get back together, and I tell them what I tell myself; "no." Sometimes it's hard, but I've reached a point where I'm happy without him. Saying that, we text every night and never wait too long to see each other.

So, aside from all the Jayson shit, I'm doing just fine. I've met so many amazing people since being at JWC. I don't know how and I don't know why, but we managed to form a 'Wolfpack' - a massive group of mutual friends who all hang out at breaks and lunches. When possible, we take it in turns to throw parties. When I'm at college I study English Literature, Psychology and History. I love English and Psychology, but I'm finding AS History a little tougher than the GCSE spec because it's all about Russian politics, really. I'm a bit of a day-dreamer, so if I'm not interested in something I just drift away. I have no days off, but sometimes I'm only in for an hour so I find lots of time to do the things I love.

On the home-front, things haven't been great lately. It's complicated to explain, but things are really tenuous between my brother and my dad because Arron keeps chillin' with my dad's ex. It all came to a head last night when Dad told Arron that maybe he should just leave. I can tell he feels guilty about telling him to go, but I think it was the right decision. So Arron has a month to save up, and then he has to leave - although we'll try and retain some kind of relationship with him if he'll let us.

So, there we are fellas. I pretty much just brain-farted all over this post but hopefully everyone at college, if they're reading this, knows me a little bit better now. I'll try and brainfart every day if I can. If there's anything you want to know, just comment.

Meaghan xx