I've had this blog for a while now. I used to post entries quite often, but every time I did, something bad happened - and to be completely honest I thought me writing things down was cursed or something - so I deleted everything. Recently though my friends at college have all had the balls to start their own blogs, so I thought I'd jump back on the bandwagon. LET'S ALL BE CURSED TOGETHER!
At the moment I'm studying at Joseph Wright in Derby, which is a college for A-Level students. Me and my best friend Paige joined at the same time, while my then-boyfriend decided to stay on at sixth form while pursuing his career with the RAF. Jayson and I had been together for almost three years before I left, so it was a huge decision for me to leave school to be at a college so far away from him. I was bullied pretty badly throughout my time at Swanwick, so I left at the first opportunity I saw. But I didn't understand that I'd be giving up Jayson, too. Four weeks after I started college, he said he started getting this weird feeling that "it was time". Neither one of us really understood it. So, realising there was nothing I could do to change his mind, we called it quits but decided to remain friends. This happened in October, yet I can't remember a single time when I've really opened up about how I feel about it. To be truthful, I'm probably never going to because there are some things you just can't put into words. People who knew us both sometimes ask if there's any chance we'd get back together, and I tell them what I tell myself; "no." Sometimes it's hard, but I've reached a point where I'm happy without him. Saying that, we text every night and never wait too long to see each other.
So, aside from all the Jayson shit, I'm doing just fine. I've met so many amazing people since being at JWC. I don't know how and I don't know why, but we managed to form a 'Wolfpack' - a massive group of mutual friends who all hang out at breaks and lunches. When possible, we take it in turns to throw parties. When I'm at college I study English Literature, Psychology and History. I love English and Psychology, but I'm finding AS History a little tougher than the GCSE spec because it's all about Russian politics, really. I'm a bit of a day-dreamer, so if I'm not interested in something I just drift away. I have no days off, but sometimes I'm only in for an hour so I find lots of time to do the things I love.
On the home-front, things haven't been great lately. It's complicated to explain, but things are really tenuous between my brother and my dad because Arron keeps chillin' with my dad's ex. It all came to a head last night when Dad told Arron that maybe he should just leave. I can tell he feels guilty about telling him to go, but I think it was the right decision. So Arron has a month to save up, and then he has to leave - although we'll try and retain some kind of relationship with him if he'll let us.
So, there we are fellas. I pretty much just brain-farted all over this post but hopefully everyone at college, if they're reading this, knows me a little bit better now. I'll try and brainfart every day if I can. If there's anything you want to know, just comment.
Meaghan xx
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