~WARNING guys, this is going to be a long one!~
Recently I've taken to buying books from charity shops, though that is not to say that charity shops are my one source of literary income. Nor am I saying there's any shame in buying a few from there - especially if they're good quality - but if you end up loving the book it's my personal preference to go and buy a new copy from Waterstones, WHSmith or wherever. In the past few weeks I've bought about five, I reckon, but I haven't yet finished any of them. The one I've started is a kind of 'self-help' book, written by psychiatrist M. Scott Peck, called 'The Road Less Travelled' which is described as 'A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth'. I was particularly intrigued by this book as I quite recently went through a break-up which left me wondering about the true definition of love (i.e. does it really exist, or is it just dependency? etc.) and also I've always been keen on psychiatry and psychology, though I'd never previously read any novel-type books on the subjects. This being a 'Number 1 International Bestseller,' I thought it may be a good place to start. The blurb was also very persuasive:
"Confronting and solving problems is a painful process which most of us attempt to avoid. And the very avoidance results in greater pain and an inability to grow both mentally and spiritually. Drawing heavily on his own professional experience, Dr. M. Scott Peck, a practising psychiatrist, suggests ways in which facing our difficulties - and suffering through the changes - can enable us to reach a higher level of self-understanding. He discusses the nature of loving relationships: how to recognise true compatibility; how to distinguish dependency from love; how to become one's own person and how to be a more sensitive parent. This book is a phenomenon. Continuously on the US bestseller list for five years, it will change your life."
Immediately, the first thing I liked about it was the vocabulary. The terminology isn't hard to follow at all, despite being a book written by an intellectual. Of course, it's challenging, but there was nothing I couldn't get my head around. I see it as an old book because it was first published in 1983 - that's over ten years before I arrived on the planet - and I have to admit, being a teenager, reading a book where the author still refers to himself, or the reader, as "one," did strike me as a bit peculiar. But anyhow, I was content. As I read I tended to highlight the most important parts; the things I'd like to remember. While I have the chance, I'd like to share them with you, readers, so that you don't necessarily have to read the whole book if you don't want to, but you'll still gain something.
In the first chapter, focussed on 'Problems and Pain', Peck suggests how to overcome problems. He writes,
"Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult... the fact that life is difficult no longer matters." Whilst this could be seen as a reductionist point of view, Peck backs it up with another point: that humans treat life as if it
should be easy, although we're all well aware that at times it's not. But we go on about it like it's our God-given right to have an easy life -
moaning about everything that is thrown our way. He adds,
"We procrastinate, hoping that they [the problems] will go away. We ignore them, forget them, pretend they do not exist. We even take drugs to assist us in ignoring them." Essentially, the formation of negative thoughts and opinions are truly a form of distraction from our problems which we should be fighting to confront or overcome. But the one quote that really opened my eyes in this section was:
"The tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness." So basically, avoidance is a big, fat "not normal" and by ignoring our problems we are acting as irrational as a mentally-ill person... brilliant. Peck provides a solution:
"To willingly confront a problem early, before we are forced to confront it by circumstances, means to put aside something pleasant for something more painful. It is choosing to suffer now," rather than more so in the future.
But hang on - procrastination? Don't we all procrastinate? Isn't it a bit weird to say that procrastination is, in a way, wrong? Well the simple answer to that question is no. Procrastination is avoidance. We all do it. Just because it is practised by the majority of people, it doesn't mean it can't be unhealthy. However, just when you think Peck is against procrastination, he criticises himself - saying:
"It is our frontal lobes, our capacity to think and examine ourselves that most makes us human." In my opinion it is this which sometimes leads to stubbornness or impulsiveness; both stereotypical qualities of teenagers. Because of this, teenagers can be notoriously hard to work with or rehabilitate. He explains,
"Adolescents are resentful of any attempt to intervene in their lifestyle of impulsiveness, and even when this resentment can be overcome by warmth and friendliness... it is often so severe that it precludes their participation in the process of psychotherapy." In all honesty, this thought scared me - because he's so right. I'm seventeen years old and I'm still
so resistant to change. This quote almost made me want to give up on the idea of counselling altogether because I'm not sure I'd actually be willing to negotiate my lifestyle. When you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, you don't really want someone else to decide which one you go crashing into, do you?
Sentimentality can also be a huge obstacle. Writing about one of his patients, Peck says:
"When confronted with a personal problem, she behaved as if she were totally lacking in intelligence... she was not willing to tolerate her discomfort long enough to analyse the problem." For me, at the moment, I would say this is my biggest flaw. If a close friend makes us feel terrible for long periods of time, we absolutely have the right to walk away from them. We are torn between a positive relationship which is somewhat inconstant, and knowing that torment and pain could be avoided if we chose to let them go. I am the kind of person that chooses the pain. If you believe Peck, this could be down to an insufficiency of self-worth. To quote:
"When one considers oneself valuable, then we will feel our time to be valuable, and if we feel our time to be valuable, then we will want to use it well." This reminded me of the popular Stephen Chbosky quote, "We accept the love we think we deserve." Simply put, we need to have respect for ourselves and to recognise our time as important and significant in order to get things done. According to Peck, if we use our days unproductively then we lack self-worth and also self-discipline. I can definitely relate to this. Recently I referred to my life as a series of "reward, reward, reward, WORK" (where the term "reward" means anything I enjoy and "work" means anything I do not enjoy) when really it is far more logical to systemise your days into "WORK, reward, WORK, reward."
Another of my favourite quotes from the first few chapters is,
"The only way we can be certain that our map of reality is valid is to expose it to the criticism and challenge of other map-makers." Here, the 'map of reality' is a term used to describe the path we have chosen to take and 'map-makers' are simply other people - maybe your friends, or your family. What Peck is saying, effectively, is that it is wise not to make independent decisions. You are bias to your emotions. Other people are far more skilled at recognising what is bad for you, what is taking its toll on you or what you'd be better without. In a way, I see this blog as a way of exposing my life to other people, especially when I write personal posts. That'll be all for now, guys, but I'm certain I'll write more as I continue to read.
