Friday 28th February 2014 // Mental Illnesses Aren't 'Labels'

For those of you who aren't AS Psychology students, let me assure you that the Rosenhan "Being Sane in Insane Places" core study is every bit as controversial, but not nearly as philosophical or respectable, as the title sounds. That is, pretending to be mentally ill - Schizophrenic to be exact - in the hopes that you can research how easy it is to get into a psychiatric hospital, is just a tiny bit unethical. Nowadays I tend to write blog-posts on things that have caught my eye; good or bad. Today, I'm moaning... again. I might take it up professionally. Anyway, the two aims of the Rosenhan study are as follows: 

1. "Find out whether mental health professionals can truly tell the difference between the sane and the insane"

2. "Discover the consequences of being labelled as insane"

What really got to me was the use of the word "labelled". Labelling someone as mentally ill. You cannot label someone with a mental illness! They either have one or they don't - in the same way that a Diabetes sufferer has not been labelled, they have been diagnosed. All the way through the core study it's labelled, labelled, labelled, and I'll be honest, I got bloody sick of it. Labels are social tags. Emo is a label, slag is a label, goth could even be classed as a label - but not Schizophrenia. It's a serious mental illness and a medical term, yet even my Psychology tutor was surrendering to the core study, spouting the word "label" just as much as the paper in front of me.

In her defence, she must not know that I have a mother with Schizophrenia. I thought about sticking my hand up in the air and arguing, but what would be the point? I have no doubt that she'd defend herself with some intelligent but still wrong response; leaving me with no chance but to agree with her, but no way in Hell was that happening. I didn't want to look like an idiot, nor did I really want to be that girl, the one that has to point out her mother is mentally ill. I didn't really want everyone in the room looking at me every time Schizophrenia is mentioned.

What I'd suggest to all teachers is, if you're studying a sensitive topic like mental illness with a group of teenagers, please find out beforehand if there's anyone in the class it might strike a nerve with. And please make sure you don't offend them by reducing a mental illness to a "label".

Meaghan

Wednesday 12th February 2014 // Grandad Bill

Hi, guys.

I'll start this post by saying that my best friend, Jayson, left for Paris on Sunday morning and I was very uncertain about how I would feel about him going away. Those who know me will know that we dated for three years, and there wasn't a day that went by without us talking. Obviously, with him going abroad, I wasn't expecting a message. I thought I'd find it hard to cope, or miss him terribly - but as it turned out, there were more important things to think about. My Grandad was taken into hospital on Monday afternoon because he was struggling to breathe, so I started spending a lot of time in hospital with him. (Jayson texted me at least once every night, so that made life less stressful than it could have been.)

My Grandad had a condition called Angina, which was caused by passive smoking (whereby you don't actively smoke yourself but breathe in the harsh chemicals from the cigarettes other people are smoking. I like to call it "smoking by association"). We thought Angina was the reason he was struggling for his breath - and we were partly right - but none of us could have guessed the extent of the problem. A few weeks ago, he had been hospitalised in Nottingham, where he was treated for external Shingles. My family didn't find out until yesterday, but Shingles had activated another virus; one which covered the walls of his lungs and chest. Coupled with his Angina, and his age, he didn't stand much chance of fighting it off. Grandad died on Tuesday evening, aged 81, surrounded by his family. Me, my sister, my Dad, my Uncle, and my Uncle's wife, were all present. My cousin Kim and her husband, Michael, were just a few minutes too late. While Grandad was alive, I never said goodbye. I felt guilty about it for a few minutes until I realised that I was there at the end; I never left. No need to say goodbye, and no need to feel guilty.

He looked peaceful, almost like he was sleeping. My Dad is devastated. He's only 41 years old and has lost both his parents. If you read my blog often, you'll know that he was planning a trip up to Banff this year to commemorate 10 years since my Grandma's death. Instead of being a chance to remember my Grandma, it will now be a bittersweet trip - considering my Grandad wants us to throw his ashes up there. To be near my Grandma. Well, half of him. He wants the other half in Blackpool. As you can tell, he loved the seaside. He used to tell me and my sister than when he died he'd reincarnate into a seagull and he'd let us know it was him because he'd poo on us. You'll also know that I used to be scared of the big grey chimneys in Derby Hospital, next to the mortuary. Although I still find them eerie, they won't remind me of my childhood fears anymore, or my Mum's illness, they'll remind me of Grandad's life.

The things I want to remember about Grandad:

• How he slapped his leg and laughed when he found something really funny.
• Him calling everybody, everywhere, "duck," however inappropriate.
• How he treated everyone with the same courtesy and respect.
• His love of photography, family, animals, and the occasional fridge magnet.
• How he'd tap my arm when I hugged him.
• How he'd draw a picture of his budgie on every card he signed.
• How proud of me he was! When I used to run, and play football, he backed me all the way - running after me with a camera on sports day at primary school. He even used to keep the little poems I wrote for him. If it weren't for him I'd never have been published in any book.

Grandad was the kindest, sweetest, nicest, most generous man I have ever had the good fortune of knowing and I have absolutely no doubts about which direction he's gone. I know the saying is common, but Heaven definitely gained an angel. He's with Grandma, somewhere. I love you.

Tuesday 4th February 2014 // Dad's Tattoo (For Grandma Muriel)

While I waited anxiously at home for my doctor's appointment, my Dad went out to get his 20-somethingth tattoo. This one was inspired by Banksy's artwork of the little girl holding a balloon; although Dad asked the tattooist (who happens to be our cousin, Abby) to change the girl into a boy so it would represent himself. I should mention that the tattoo is dedicated to my Grandma Muriel, his mother, who passed away almost ten years ago. The anniversary's coming up soon... this May.

When Dad told me about the idea, I loved it. My Grandma died when I was seven years old and to this day I still feel like I lost a best friend. In the years after her death, I'd often write her name on a balloon and watch it fly into the sky (her real name was Alice, but she always asked to be called Muriel - her middle name). So not only is the tattoo symbolic of my Dad; it's also symbolic of me and my sister.

It's not the first memorial tattoo Dad's had for his mum - the first was a script which reads 'Rest In Peace' one way and 'Dear Mother' the other, depending on where you're viewing it from.

A couple of years ago my Dad and I, along with my siblings Arron and Tiegan and our Grandad Bill, went up to Banff in Scotland, where my Grandma was born, to walk down the streets that she once walked down. For the 10th anniversary of her death, we're hoping to go back up there and put some flowers on her parents' grave, where her ashes were thrown. I really love it there and I'm hoping my Dad does decide to go up - a lot. It's sad that Arron probably won't be joining us, or my Grandad Bill. I know my Grandma would have wanted that. She died at 69 years old of a "hole in the heart" or Septal Defect, while awaiting treatment for throat cancer.

Meaghan xx

John Green: "The Fault In Our Stars" // Review

"Despite the tumour-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid Support Group, Hazel's story is about to be completely rewritten."

The Fault In Our Stars, probably one of the world's best-loved books, comes as the most compelling read I've had in a very long time. Since I've been seventeen, I've been more inclined to read more 'mature' books and move away (although not completely away) from books about supernatural or mythological goings-on like that of Meg Cabot's "Underworld" and others. If you're attempting to do the same, The Fault In Our Stars would be a wonderful place to start. Although fictitious, this book felt very real to me.

I've read John Green before, beginning with his book "Looking For Alaska". Although it was an okay read, it didn't hit me like The Fault In Our Stars; which had me constantly turning pages from 3pm to 11:45pm last night. When you can read a book in a day, you know you're in love with it. One thing I loved about it was that it is out of the ordinary. Hazel, the book's main character, is on a completely fictitious drug called Pholanxifor which makes her cancer manageable; at least for now. The fact that John Green made up Pholanxifor is astounding to me. It was a genius idea - it allows the reader some distance from the modern-day situation, where the sad reality is that drugs like Pholanxifor just don't exist. With this in mind, you can read the book like a fantasy or maybe even a watered-down sci-fi. However, I did not discover the drug wasn't in existence until the book's final pages - and so everything in the book was very real to me at the time of reading it.

Another thing I loved was the use of intertextuality (I'm going all 'English Literature student' on you here, but it's true); whereby The Fault In Our Stars has connections with a fictional book Green creates called "An Imperial Affliction". Green writes about this as Hazel's favourite book. I was under the impression that it really existed, although that doesn't, either! Anyway, AIA supposedly ends mid-sentence with the assumption that the main character died in the middle of writing; leaving Hazel with an unavoidable urge to find out how it ends before she herself dies. Throughout the book I was so scared that The Fault In Our Stars would end mid-sentence too - but (SPOILER) I'm so glad that it didn't. I'm so glad that we never have to hear about how Hazel dies.

I am also able to say that I actually learned something from this book. There are many quotable lines, which you'll undoubtedly come across if you log onto Tumblr, but there is one section of text which, more than any other, I found solace in. When thinking about her own death, Hazel says, "I kept thinking there were two kinds of adults... Neither of these futures struck me as particularly desirable. It seemed to me that I had already seen everything pure and good in the world, and I was beginning to suspect that even if death didn't get in the way, the kind of love that Augustus and I share could never last... Nothing gold can stay."
Although I do not imagine myself becoming terminally ill often, this book makes you question how you would handle such an event. This quote resonated with me - and if I was dying, I imagine words like this would comfort me. The way John Green has put himself into the mind of someone with cancer is incredible and although the book is not all doom and gloom, it has been written in such an exquisite way that you almost don't feel pity for cancer sufferers anymore - you respect them.

So, if you have a day to spare, pick this book up. I cannot stress that enough. Don't fear that it will make you depressed, because that's not the effect it had on me, although I did have doubts about that before I opened the book. There will be tears, I'm not going to lie, but they will be very, very worth it. God help me when the movie comes out.

Thursday 23rd January 2014 // Introduction

I've had this blog for a while now. I used to post entries quite often, but every time I did, something bad happened - and to be completely honest I thought me writing things down was cursed or something - so I deleted everything. Recently though my friends at college have all had the balls to start their own blogs, so I thought I'd jump back on the bandwagon. LET'S ALL BE CURSED TOGETHER!

At the moment I'm studying at Joseph Wright in Derby, which is a college for A-Level students. Me and my best friend Paige joined at the same time, while my then-boyfriend decided to stay on at sixth form while pursuing his career with the RAF. Jayson and I had been together for almost three years before I left, so it was a huge decision for me to leave school to be at a college so far away from him. I was bullied pretty badly throughout my time at Swanwick, so I left at the first opportunity I saw. But I didn't understand that I'd be giving up Jayson, too. Four weeks after I started college, he said he started getting this weird feeling that "it was time". Neither one of us really understood it. So, realising there was nothing I could do to change his mind, we called it quits but decided to remain friends. This happened in October, yet I can't remember a single time when I've really opened up about how I feel about it. To be truthful, I'm probably never going to because there are some things you just can't put into words. People who knew us both sometimes ask if there's any chance we'd get back together, and I tell them what I tell myself; "no." Sometimes it's hard, but I've reached a point where I'm happy without him. Saying that, we text every night and never wait too long to see each other.

So, aside from all the Jayson shit, I'm doing just fine. I've met so many amazing people since being at JWC. I don't know how and I don't know why, but we managed to form a 'Wolfpack' - a massive group of mutual friends who all hang out at breaks and lunches. When possible, we take it in turns to throw parties. When I'm at college I study English Literature, Psychology and History. I love English and Psychology, but I'm finding AS History a little tougher than the GCSE spec because it's all about Russian politics, really. I'm a bit of a day-dreamer, so if I'm not interested in something I just drift away. I have no days off, but sometimes I'm only in for an hour so I find lots of time to do the things I love.

On the home-front, things haven't been great lately. It's complicated to explain, but things are really tenuous between my brother and my dad because Arron keeps chillin' with my dad's ex. It all came to a head last night when Dad told Arron that maybe he should just leave. I can tell he feels guilty about telling him to go, but I think it was the right decision. So Arron has a month to save up, and then he has to leave - although we'll try and retain some kind of relationship with him if he'll let us.

So, there we are fellas. I pretty much just brain-farted all over this post but hopefully everyone at college, if they're reading this, knows me a little bit better now. I'll try and brainfart every day if I can. If there's anything you want to know, just comment.

Meaghan xx

My Wonderful Trip To Whitley Bay!

This year, I was kindly invited by Paige and her parents to join their holiday at a caravan park in Whitley Bay in the Newcastle area, along with Paige's brother Connor and his best friend Sam (who I was later to find hilarious). Ofcourse, I joyfully accepted - even though I knew I was going to have to be ugh, sociable. The idea that me and Paige could add to our collection of YouTube videos (@ YouTube 'paigeandmeaghan') excited me - and the idea of collaborations with Connor and Sam (@ YouTube 'adoucheandaboob') just spurred me on further. I'd seen some ADoucheAndABoob videos before; but had never met Sam in person, and therefore hadn't really appreciated just how much work he puts into his videos with Connor. I'll go into that later. But truly, during the exam period this short YouTuber holiday could not have been any more appreciated.

Day One:
I woke up exceptionally early on a Friday morning to trundle around to Paige's house with my laptop bag and toiletries, ready to jump in the "Banter Bus" - or larger car - that Paige's mum Donna had borrowed from her own mother especially for the trip. Paige and I sat in the back where the boot would usually be, filming with my Canon PowerShot, whilst Connor and Sam sat in the seats in front. It made for a ridiculously fun journey. I don't think I'd ever used Instagram so much. Paige's dad insisted on having Queen on throughout the journey, which obviously made for some fun moments during the high-pitched 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. Despite having never come into contact with Sam, and despite my inability to NOT BE awkward around strangers, everyone got along just great. Everything was marvy. Approaching Newcastle, we ofcourse reached the M6 toll station. For some reason, one of us decided that this was in some way similar to the "Mexican border". On entering Whitley Bay itself, we passed a large Mosque-like building that did bear a (slight) resemblance to the Taj Mahal. It was decided amongst us all that Whitley Bay would now be known to us as "Mindia" - a combination of Mexico and India. We arrived a little early at the caravan park, so Paige, Connor, Sam and I went onto the kids' playground whilst the adults waited for the keys to our new temporary home. Once we got into the caravan, Paige and I were lucky enough to get the biggest room, with a double bed (a luxury I am denied at home). Looking around our room we were happy to discover that we had an en-suite, and it became a game to try and hide it from the rest of the "family" - passing it off as a boiler. Thanks to a considerable amount of snooping from Paige's mum while we were out, our secret was soon uncovered. That night we all went out to "The Lighthouse" the Park's own entertainment venue, where of course Paige and I were the only ones to dance (for about 10 minutes) and Paige caught the eye of a stranger. At the end of the night, we returned to the caravan and uploaded all the footage from my camera to my laptop, ready to be put together.
The PAM 'Day One' video is live at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8OY0L7dRRo, wheras the ADAAB video is available at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=px6i7v4X54Y.



The Taj Mahal? Decide for yourselves



"Mindia"

The room Paige and I shared

Day Two: We filmed all day. Today - after suffering electrical problems and several goings-off of the smoke alarm - we caught an unfamiliar bus down to the beach, where it was our intention to visit the actual lighthouse on the shore. We never made it on day two, thanks to the rain, but we had fun nevertheless. Paige's parents did their own thing, whilst we teenagers explored the seaside town. We found a cool fancy-dress/prop shop where we bought some funky glasses; which we foolishly thought would diguise us from Paige's parents. In actual fact, her parents walked past as we exited the shop - foiling our plan completely. We roamed on, and discovered an old red phone booth which we branded as a "TARDIS". After dinner at various places (it appears we all had very different tastes) we walked along the beach and found items such as a "Mindia trophy" (a large stick), "Harry Potter's wand" (a thick twig), "Hulk's Bogey" (a huge rock covered in moss) and even a scooter. If Connor could get his hands on it, he tossed it into the sea. We then walked back to the caravan to get ready for another night out. This time, the stranger who had admired Paige the night before, built up the courage to talk to her and turned out to be a perfectly nice young man called Liam, of the same age. Liam's sister, Niamh, played pool with us and seemed to have a thing for Connor. It was a nice little love-square really. We arranged to go swimming as a group the next day, and I went back to the caravan early to do some revision, leaving them to their games.
The PAM "Day Two" video is available at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYA5nx3LE3Q
The ADAAB video is available at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocN1ABsDICE



Our "disguises"

 

Connor, Sam and I - Fun on the Beach

There were some funny moments along the way

 

Night-life

 

The "TARDIS"

The Last Day: Today we walked back into Whitley Bay town, where we were determined to get to the lighthouse. The weather was beautiful, and so it didn't take long for the tide to go out. Liam and Niamh met us on the beach and joined us on our quest. Walking up the long, water-soaked path to the lighthouse was actually really romantic, and when we finally reached the end of the path we were surprised to find a couple of seals - and more rocks for us to climb. After spending about an hour or so just climbing and chatting, we made our way back to the caravan park, where we all gathered our things for the swimming baths. I made a mockery of myself in the pool, where everyone was only too happy to learn that I cannot swim. I'll give it to them though - my grip on the sides at the deep end was laughable. I spent most of my time clinging for dear life on Paige's back, whilst everyone else found it funny to splash water in each other's eyes. Some dancing even occured. At four o' clock, I returned to the caravan to make sure everything was properly packed (curse my worrying), but everyone else decided to stay out to say a proper goodbye to Liam and Niamh. Since I had spent the least amount of time with them, I wasn't too familiar, and just gave them a friendly wave from the car. Everyone was quiet for a long while during the journey home, and you could tell we all wanted to stay a while longer. Horrid exams.
Unfortunately, the PAM "Day Three" video is still in the process of being edited, but ADAAB's is live at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESul_Ml_zmA.

Liam and Paige - We returned to the Beach

The "Love Bridge" - The Lighthouse was in our sights

Connor and Niamh - We all enjoyed the rocks

Silliness and swimming

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Meg Cabot: "Underworld"

Underworld, written by teen author Meg Cabot, sequel to Abandon, comes as the first book I have read in months. And as I finally have some time to spare (thank you, study leave), I thought I might as well review it too.

At the end of the last installment, young seventeen year old Pierce is whisked away from her home in Isla Huesos to the Underworld by none other than the modern-day Hades himself, John Hayden. 'Underworld' focuses mainly on the growing relationship between the two characters, and around Pierce's inability to decide between home, or living with Death. With her cousin Alex in danger, Pierce is able to convince John to take her back to the Earth plane for one night only, where they attempt to track down and maybe destroy the Furies.

I was really excited to purchase this book (£7.99 from WHSmith stores or £5.99 online http://www.whsmith.co.uk/Products/Abandon-Underworld-Unabridged+Paperback+9780330453882) as I'd really enjoyed the first in the trilogy. But I felt that Underworld, with its 309 pages - much less than the first book - didn't live up to my expectations. Whilst I enjoyed the similarity between John and Pierce to Hades and Persephone, I wasn't really thrilled by anything that was supposed to be exciting. Although it was a good read and I continued to turn the pages, I think it was just my love for the first book that kept me going. I was never on the edge of my seat, and I didn't believe the explanation Meg had given for John becoming Lord of the Underword (which still hasn't been properly explained in the book), and so I couldn't get lost in it. I suppose I felt it lacked emotion and so I couldn't get attached to the characters this time around. I felt it was just a back story for whatever is going to happen in the third book of the trilogy. I wouldn't recommend this book if you haven't read the first or aren't going to read the third. 'Awaken' will be hitting book stores soon - and I do suggest you read that. I have faith in Meg to pull this one out of the bag.

Another problem I had with the book itself is that, on the back, the publishers or the printers are supposed to print "only for teen readers" or the like, if there is any sexual content within the pages. *SPOILER* Although the short sex scene towards the end of the book is hidden quite cleverly (Cabot is quite reserved in her detail of the event) I do feel that it was inappropriate not to have the words "only for teen readers" on the back. If you read the scene, you'll understand what I mean. I asked my boyfriend, who's sixteen, to read the scene and he shares my opinion. But he did giggle a lot.

Picture source: http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=LNwbzbxKF9ydhM&tbnid=HtgKWC-Bi2WxZM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.onceuponabookcase.co.uk%2F2012%2F10%2Fweekly-gossip.html&ei=K56jUbitHKLM0AWW-oDQDw&bvm=bv.47008514,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNFZ48Y_gpBcECGB_oHsum9AUY0rEA&ust=1369763746602922. Prices and links correct as of May 2013.