Hello and Goodbye Readers!

Unfortunately, huntyoudownn is closing. I've been forced to move due to a complication with my e-mail address which has required me to fool around with the settings on each of my social media accounts. My Blogger account, however, won't intertwine with my new Google account so I'm going to have to start from scratch on here. All you need to know is that I'm moving across to: www.meaghan-bethany.blogspot.com, but all the posts on this blog will remain visible. It's worth noting that I will be copying and pasting some of the material from this blog over to my new one. See you all there!

Sorry,

Meaghan xoxo

J. R. R. Tolkien: "The Two Towers" // Discussion

"The Company of the Ring is sundered. Frodo and Sam continue their journey alone down the great River Anduin - alone, that is, save for the mysterious creeping figure that follows wherever they go."

~CONTAINS SPOILERS and is likely to be much longer than my review of Fellowship, since I made a few more observations than previous~

Someone once told me (or I read somewhere) that the second book in a high-fantasy series is always a better read - at least, a more enjoyable read - than the first, because you won't need as much description of the surroundings; since you became familiar with them in the first book. With Lord of the Rings/The Two Towers, I quickly realised that less description is never the case. I'd put this down to the fact that the Company is always on the move, and never in the same place twice; therefore, description is always paramount and so, Two Towers requires just as much concentration and effort as Fellowship. Which is how it should be, I guess, although I'm longing to relax. In Fellowship you're still in awe of the new places and characters, so the slow-paced sections are significantly more tolerable, whereas I didn't find the new locations in TT as easy to connect with and as a consequence, were more hard-going.

Some people may argue that the action in Two Towers or, indeed, LotR as a whole, is periodical, and so, in the moments between the action, Tolkien provides you with plenty of time for easy reading. I wouldn't agree. Although a book wouldn't be a Tolkien novel without an amazing amount of description, I do find myself wishing he'd give it a rest sometimes - and let the plot do the work. Blasphemy, I know! Rather, I found my solace and comfort in the dialogue between characters. Sometimes it was hard to stifle an excited scream when I saw a speech mark because I simply long for those moments so badly - not that there's a sufficiency of speech, though, just because there's so much description and action. Speaking of action: the battle between Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli etc. against the Orcs near Mordor was, I found, not entirely spectacular to read. I didn't become especially involved with the war/fight scenes in this book, and decided that this is something I'd enjoy more on-screen. Some things though, I did enjoy. The opening of the novel with Boromir's death was brilliant - so unexpected, and the possibility of this 'opening the flood-gates' to future deaths within the Company was very intriguing.

Furthermore, it was also quite interesting to see which paths the characters took once the Company had been separated by fate. It was lucky that Legolas and Gimli ended up together as their bond seems to be growing and is interesting to 'watch'; as is the unfolding of Aragorn's destiny as heir of Elendil. I suppose a 'truce' between the Elves and Dwarves throughout Middle-Earth is somewhat of an inevitability further down the line, if I know Tolkien. Sadly, I found that I missed the Elves and Elvish locations of Fellowship, although I did really enjoy the addition of the Ents, who bore such a resemblance to the tree-giants of Bridge to Terabithia and hence were a huge source of nostalgia for me. One addition I didn't really appreciate so much was the brief mentioning of the Oliphaunts. Just by the name you're thinking 'elephant', and still will be once I quote Tolkien's description of them: "Grey as a mouse, big as a house, nose like a snake, I make the Earth shake, flapping big ears, beyond count of years... never lie on the ground, not even to die."  What you're describing, dear Tolkien, is an elephant - and whilst I appreciate that you're probably trying to suggest that Middle-Earth actually exists parallel to Earth with these mystical versions of actual creatures for the reader's enjoyment, I thought that the idea of the Oliphaunts was lacking in originality.

Unsurprisingly, Gandalf's character continued to annoy me throughout The Two Towers, although admittedly, most of my irritation sprang from what immediately followed his return - his first conversation with Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli. Quote: "Gandalf," the old man repeated, "Yes, that was the name. I was Gandalf." Are you really telling me that he came back from great peril or death with no idea of his own name, yet he was able to name those around him with no problem? He strode up to these people, knowing they were no danger to him, knowing they were his friends. It's not likely he'd forget his own name and remember them. Of course, it's all for dramatic effect but it didn't really work on me. I don't think I'll ever particularly like Gandalf, although I do have a soft spot for Gollum. I think Smeagol is such an interesting character and it was great to see more of him in this book! His betrayal of Frodo even seemed like a betrayal to me because I liked him so much.

At both the beginning and the ending of the book I was completely on the edge of my seat, but the conclusion was particularly spectacular. Tolkien is an evil genius! No one expects the man-eating spider, do they?? For a moment there, I really thought Frodo was gone, so when Samwise had to take the Ring and leave without him I was heartbroken! That said, I do have one itsy bitsy qualm with the ending (I know, I'm sorry). Quote: "Clang. The gate was shut. Sam hurled himself against the bolted brazen plates and fell senseless to the ground." Doesn't it sound like Sam intentionally ran into the gate and knocked himself out? Apparently, that's not what actually happened. He just ran toward the gate and fainted, or something. I thought the wording of that particular sentence was a bit ambiguous, which wouldn't normally be a problem but it's the last action we see in the book! So we should be clear on what's actually happened.

Overall, although the book at some points didn't move fast enough for my liking, and so my rating (which you'll find below) has significantly decreased since Fellowship, I did find myself wanting to read The Return of the King pretty swiftly after finishing The Two Towers, to see how Frodo and Sam fare. Lord of the Rings is always interesting. And in Tolkien's defence, he wasn't to know at the time of writing that LotR would be split into three stand-alone novels.

Disclaimer: At times I may make negative observations, but this is more likely to be because 1) I recognise that everything, however brilliant, has flaws or 2) I'm an English Literature student and have learned to write critically. I would like to reiterate that I absolutely love Tolkien's work, I'm a massive fan and hope, one day, to have read everything he's written.

Thanks for reading all the way through! To keep up with what I'm reading, please feel free to add me as a friend on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/meaghanbethany

Also: Eowyn + Aragorn = ♥!! I ship those two so hard.

Rating: ★★★1/2 (the 1/2 was added for the spectacular ending)

ISBN: 0-261-10236-2

Susan Hill: "Dolly: A Ghost Story" // Review

"Orphan Edward Cayley is sent to spend the summer with his forbidding Aunt Kestrel at Iyot House, her decaying home deep in the damp, lonely fens. With him is his spoilt, spiteful cousin, Leonora. And when Leonora's birthday wish for a beautiful doll is thwarted, she unleashes a furious rage which haunts her quiet, subdued cousin for years afterwards. Much later, and now each other's only surviving relative, the cousins return to Iyot House. And it becomes horribly apparent that Leonora's act of violence has had dark and sinister consequences that they can neither anticipate nor escape."

I was given this book a couple of Christmases ago by my Grandpa and his wife, who both know a lot about English literature - my Grandpa being a teacher/examiner and Cheryl being a librarian. In fact, they bought me almost the entire Susan Hill collection, which I am immensely grateful for; not to mention that they all have such beautiful covers, especially Dolly. In case you don't know, Susan Hill also wrote The Woman In Black, which is probably why you're wondering where you've heard the name from.

~I'm going to be very unapologetic about spoilers in this review because I would love to discuss different parts of the plot which I cannot do without revealing something so if you don't want to know, please stop reading now.~ Hill has an absolutely genius mind. I wouldn't say that I was particularly terrified by this book, although it was atmospheric and sort of freaky. The settings of Iyot House and, even more so, the church cemetery nearby were of course, extremely creepy and very reminiscent of the Eel Marsh House setting in The Woman In Black. The character of Leonora scared me half to death at first while I got used to her, and I didn't particularly like Ms Mullen, though I don't think you're supposed to.

The background information you're not given in the blurb is that Edward's mother (Dora) and Leonora's mother (Violet) who were Kestrel's much younger sisters, grew to hate each other. They looked very different, with Violet being the much prettier one, although Dora had a nicer personality. The two youngest sisters led very different lives, with Violet moving around from country to country, marrying then re-marrying, living a life of luxury, while Dora stayed in Britain, marrying only once. They both had their children towards the end of their lives. From the start, there is never much hope for Edward and Violet seeing as hate is in their blood. Edward and Kestrel try their hardest to put up with Leonora, although in the end she is too much like her mother. (INTERJECTION! Not only is Leonora much like her mother, but Edward is much like his mother too. The lives they lead and the choices they make are parallel to their mothers' choices - which is something I was very interested in. It gives the story deeper roots. But more on that further down.)

The 'ghost' story begins when Leonora rejects the doll her Aunt Kestrel bought for her ninth birthday, and the doll's skull shatters across the floor. The doll is beyond repair, so Edward, after he thinks he hears it crying in its box, buries it in the graveyard hoping it will find peace - only for fate to bring the doll back many years later. When Aunt Kestrel dies, she demands that the doll be found and given back to Leonora, so that she may learn some manners and graciousness. However, when Edward digs the doll up forty years after it was buried, it shows signs of having aged like a human; wrinkles, a bald head, sunken eyes. The story doesn't end there. It soon becomes evident that Leonora's young daughter, Frederica, is suffering from an unknown 'disease', which ages her quickly - gives her a bald head and sunken eyes - just like the doll... and when Edward's daughter suffers the same fate, it is clear that the cousins are being punished for that fateful day in Iyot House when Leonora broke it.

Although it's described as a ghost story, I would argue against it. Contrary to my expectations, there were no ghostly apparitions in this book. The only source of the paranormal aspect was the doll, who did not set out to frighten or harm Edward or Leonora. The doll was not a ghost. I'd rather it had been given a different title, say, "Dolly: A Horror Story", just so it does what it says it does on the tin. It was an easy read, not hard to follow or fathom, but I did expect more from this plot. That said, I can't wait to move onto my other Susan Hill books.

Similarities between Edward/Leonora and their mothers:
1) Leonora is extremely beautiful, and lives a nomadic life of luxury
2) Edward is average-looking, like Dora, with a nice personality
3) Leonora gets divorced and marries several times
4) Edward marries only once
5) They both only have one child, at a relatively late age

Rating: ★★☆☆☆
ISBN: 978-1846685743

Thanks for reading! Here's the link to my Goodreads page if you'd like to keep up with what I'm reading: www.goodreads.com/meaghanbethany

Stephen Chbosky: "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower" // Review

"Charlie is a freshman, and while he's not the biggest geek in the school, he is by no means popular. Shy, introspective, intelligent beyond his years yet socially awkward, he is a wallflower, caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it. Charlie is attempting to navigate his way through uncharted territory: the world of first dates and mixed tapes, family dramas and new friends; the world of sex, drugs and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, where all one requires is that perfect song on that perfect drive to feel infinite. But Charlie can't stay on the sideline forever. Standing on the fringes of life offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor. The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a deeply affecting coming-of-age story that will spirit you back to those wild and poignant roller-coaster days known as growing up."

 Many times I've seen this book compared to The Catcher In The Rye (you can read my review on that here if you don't mind how utterly damning it is), hell, it's even referenced on the front of my copy by USA Today, and I can understand why, although the only two things they really have in common are 1) a male protagonist and 2) an 'adventure' during their high-school years. In my opinion, Charlie is a much more likeable character than Holden, so if you didn't like The Catcher In The Rye then don't be put off of reading Perks just because the two have been compared. Charlie is a wonderful narrative voice. He may be fifteen, but he seems younger; knowing next to nothing about friendships or how stimulating life can be. Naïve and unknowing as he may be, Charlie is also innocent, mature, humble, caring and accepting, all at the same time.

This bildungsroman novel comes as Chbosky's first, which he began some time after he studied Filmic Writing in University. Through the use of letters to tell the story, which is otherwise known as an epistolary, Chbosky utilises his filmic knowledge well. The pacing is fast in some places and slow in others, depending on what and how much is happening - very much resembling a climax or an increase/decrease in tension as in a movie. It can also be quite philosophical in places, especially when Charlie comes across people who are different to him and must come to a conclusion about them. Through Charlie's experience with these people, this book tackles a number of taboo subjects, such as: domestic abuse, child abuse, alcohol abuse, rape, homosexuality, abortion and infidelity - but all in a manner in which it doesn't depress you. Sure, you may be sad for a few seconds but luckily Charlie dwells on nothing for long (apart from one revelation which is kept secret, even from himself, until the end). But, I can tell you now that Charlie reserves all judgement when it comes to the life choices of others, which is probably my favourite thing about his character.

I didn't find anything cheesy about this novel - okay, maybe sticking their heads out of the car roof in the tunnel was a bit cliché - but otherwise, the characters were all very real and make very separate impacts on the reader. His best friends, Sam and Patrick, were just as loveable as Charlie, despite their struggles. I have even heard that some people recommend this book to others when they're feeling depressed, because Charlie is so natural and relatable when problems arise that it helps them to cope. I think that's amazing.

Rating: ★★★1/2

ISBN: 978-1-84739-407-1

Thanks for reading! Feel free to add me on Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/meaghanbethany

Lauren Oliver: "Delirium" // Review

"They say that the cure for love will make me happy and safe forever. And I've always believed them. Until now. Now everything has changed. Now, I'd rather be infected with love for the tiniest sliver of a second than live a hundred years suffocated by a lie. There was a time when love was the most important thing in the world. People would go to the end of the earth to find it. They would tell lies for it. Even kill for it. Then, at last, they found the cure."

I picked Delirium up on a trip to the library last week, after finding virtually nothing else in the fiction cabinet that I was interested in. A cure for love? Hell yeah, that's interesting. My love of dystopian novels is no secret.

Our narrator is a 17 year old girl called Magdalena, or Lena, who, like everyone else in Portland, America, must have the compulsory operation (which includes cutting out part of the brain) to rid herself of the deliria. The deliria is love in any sense, romantic or pure - the love you feel for your family as much as love for a partner. All love must be exterminated, as "the deadliest of all deadly things". 

Lena's operation is set for her 18th birthday, and at first she welcomes 'the cure'; as she hopes it will lessen the grief she feels at the thought of her mother's alleged suicide. Lena's dad is gone, too, having been taken by cancer prior to her mother's death. Lena's sister Rachel has already undergone the operation - has forgotten all about the tenderness of her first love, who she was torn from, and living an adequate yet emotionless life as the wife of another man. Lena herself will be matched to an appropriate suitor before long. But, as the preparations begin, Lena's best friend Hana starts acting strangely, starts getting into illegal activity such as mingling with boys and staying out past curfew. When Lena follows her to a party one day... will something or someone turn her against 'the cure'? And is the Government really protecting its people?

OH MY GOD, THIS BOOK. It was everything I wanted it to be. Alex was such a sweetheart! I cried so hard when he and Lena fell in love. I don't know why I cry at all the happy bits; I mean, I would have cried at the ending but I guess I was too disappointed to. What's amazing about this book is your emotions are manipulated to reflect the characters', in the end. It's both heartwarming and heartbreaking at all the right times. A rollercoaster ride of deceit, love, and loss. PICK IT UP. I cannot wait to read the next one in the series: Pandemonium.

Rating: ★★★★★

Thanks for taking the time to read! Feel free to add me on Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/meaghanbethany

J. R. R. Tolkien: "The Fellowship of the Ring" // Discussion

~MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS~ It took me longer than I thought it would, but finally, I conquered all 531 pages of the first installment of the Lord of the Rings trilogy: The Fellowship of the Ring. I have heard it said that a fantasy fanatic reviewing Tolkien - a man widely thought of to be "The Father of Fantasy," - is the same as a Christian reviewing The Bible. I wholeheartedly agree with that statement, and so, this post will not be a review, but rather, a 'discussion' of sorts. Even if the discussion is with myself.

Not usually one for high-fantasy and hobbits, my purchase of Fellowship and The Two Towers was completely unexpected. I was in my town waiting for my dad to get back from the gym when I decided to have a lurk around the charity shops. I found these two books in one of my local Lighthouse stores and something came over me; my best friend Jayson is addicted to all things LOTR and so I think he may have rubbed off on me a little. Sadly, a copy of the third book, The Return of the King, wasn't available - but I figured I could pick that one up from the library, which I did the very next week. Anyway, at the time I had two great books with Tolkien's own illustrative designs on the cover, even if the copies themselves are a bit weathered. After all, they've been in circulation since 1999.

Even though I, myself, haven't seen the movies in 10 years and hadn't read any of the books before this week, I'm assuming that you, like me, have at least some understanding of the storyline. However, just in case you have been living under a rock for the best part of 100 years and have not yet stumbled upon even a synopsis of The Lord of The Rings, here is the blurb from Fellowship:

"In a sleepy village in the Shire, a young hobbit is entrusted with an immense task. He must make a perilous journey across Middle-earth to the Cracks of Doom, there to destroy the Ruling Ring of Power - the only thing that prevents the Dark Lord's evil dominion."

I did really, really enjoy Fellowship. Tolkien's wondrous, rich descriptions and poems were a blessing to read. I even found myself enjoying some of the songs. The hobbits were all so child-like and endearing, and I loved the characters of Aragorn, Bilbo and Legolas from the moment they made their appearances. I did have some qualms with Gandalf though, concerning the way he's just automatically in charge. In the entirety of Fellowship we do not see any transition from an ordinary guy/wizard to a man with such a position of superiority and power - if such a transition ever existed in any of Tolkien's writings - however I understand that in one of the following books there will be a lot more characterisation when he transforms into Gandalf the White. And at times, his superiority meant the plot was a little predictable. If Gandalf said the Company would suffer no disturbances that night then the reader would not worry about disturbances and there would be none; because when on Earth would Tolkien ever write Gandalf to be unwise? What Gandalf says goes.

Another plothole I found difficult to get over was the (just slightly) underdeveloped physicality of Sauron, The Lord of the Ring. I was surfing the internet one day, researching people's opinions about LOTR, when I came across someone who wondered why there was no description of Sauron in Fellowship. I pondered it for a moment in confusion, thought back, and realised that there really was no mention of his appearance at all. I brought it up with my friend Jayson - the one who's obsessed with all things LOTR, and he said, "There's no description of Sauron's body because he's just an eye." Needless to say, I responded, as any normal teenager would after just being given this information, with simply the word, "WHAT". Now, my problem with Sauron being just a headless, bodyless, eye is that, whilst the Company are going to great lengths to avoid the Ring falling back into Sauron's hands, the irony is that he has none. My first thought was of how he could possibly use the Ring to harness any dark power if he couldn't at least slip it onto his finger first. Then Jayson explained to me that, because Sauron created the Ring, he doesn't have to touch it to harness its power. But everyone else has to touch it to harness it, so I can't think of any good reason why it should be different for Sauron... even if he is the creator. The bad guy not being able to wield the weapon properly? Yeah, that was a downside for me. At this point, anyway.

Something I was happy to learn during my research is that Tolkien was good friends with C.S. Lewis, the author of The Chronicles of Narnia. I love the works of both of these two men and the fact that they knew each other and existed in the same time period is astounding to me. I learned that Tolkien, like Lewis, was a Catholic; which I could never have imagined. Then, it clicked. Frodo being led not into temptation (using the Ring) and delivering it from evil (Sauron and the Ringwraiths)? Totally Catholic. How could I have missed that?

Despite pointing out any seemingly negative observations, I assure you that I really do love LOTR and soon I'll be starting The Two Towers, which looks slightly less threatening in length. To keep up with what I'm reading, feel free to add me on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/meaghanbethany. Thank you!

Rating: ★★★★1/2

J. D. Salinger: "The Catcher In The Rye" // Review

So today I'm tackling a book review of J.D. Salinger's The Catcher In The Rye, which worries me considering it's such a well-loved book. Truth be told, I hated it. Really hated it. Honestly, I would not flinch if someone were to set my copy on fire.

I had been recommended this book by pretty much every single person in my English Lit class, and seemed to see the gorgeous cover (as seen above) everywhere. Not only it would be good preparation for my comparitive coursework next year, it was completely enticing. Whilst reading the first page, I was hopeful. It seemed like a book I was going to like. Then, I got to the second. All I can say is, thank God it was such a short novel because the hours... my, did they drag. I lost a tiny bit of respect for everyone who'd bothered to recommend it to me, to be honest. The main character, despite the insistence of just about everybody in the real world, is so unlikeable. He's repetitive, he's weird, selfish, arrogant, annoying... the list goes on. If I hear "it really is," "you really are," or anything similar for the next week or so, I think I'll just weep.

For those of you who don't know, The Catcher In The Rye is the story of a troublesome, young, American boy named Holden, who seems to spend the majority of his formative years getting kicked out of schools; mainly just for flunking. When he learns he's being kicked out again, he decides to leave before the end of term and gallivant around New York, although nothing really happens. Despite his situation there's nothing badass or even endearing about Holden; in fact, I think I preferred his younger sister. Nope, I definitely prefer his little sister. She's more bad-ass than Holden.

If you're thinking about picking up this book (and I implore you not to) bare in mind that you'll either love it or hate it. Although I consider it to be one of the worst books I've ever read, you might like it - if you don't mind the absence of a plot. Not worth your time at all.

Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆ (One star at a push.)

To keep up with what I'm reading, add me on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/meaghanbethany

Sean Platt & David W. Wright: "Monstrous" // E-Book Review

To my surprise, my dad recently bought me a Samsung Tab 3 which I am completely in love with. I found out that my device was eligible for a free e-book download every month if I activated a Samsung Kindle account, so I went for it. From a choice of four e-books that I'd never heard of or been recommended, I decided to download 'Monstrous' by Sean Platt/David W. Wright, which seemed the most "me". Of course, there was a supernatural element to it, but also a gothic element, which I thought would help me on my A2 English Literature course this  September... if I pass my exams.

The book is about a well-off comedian called Henry, who lives comfortably with his wife, Samantha, and their daughter Amèlie. One day their sizeable house is broken into, but it seems the only thing the attackers want is Henry's life, and his daughter's. Henry and Amèlie end up killed and in Purgatory, although separated, where Henry meets a man in white and a man in black. Instead of waiting for his judgement from God, the man in black - Boothe - persuades Henry to go back to the Earth plane as one of the undead, to seek revenge on his (and Amèlie's) killer. However, Henry is turned into a monster who feeds from violence and sorrow.

I didn't really connect with this book. Henry was just so easily persuaded by Boothe and Randall (the men in white and black), forever jostling with his alliance to one or the the other, that by the end it was completely unconvincing. Noone can be that indecisive. Also, there were a lot of profanities, which wouldn't normally bother me, but there were so many that it just seemed forced and cheesy. One thing I did like about the book was that for a long while I was never really sure about who was the bad guy out of Randall and Boothe. There's a massive plot twist at the end of the book, which I also liked, even though it was sad enough to be sickening.

To keep up with what I'm reading, visit my Goodreads page here: www.goodreads.com/meaghanbethany

Tim Weaver: "Vanished" (David Raker #3) // Review

"For millions of Londoners, the morning of 16th December is just like any other. But not for Sam Wren. An hour after leaving home, he gets on to a Tube train - and never gets off again. No eyewitnesses. No trace of him on security cameras. Six months later, he's still missing. Sam's wife hires David Raker to track him down, but in this case the secrets go deeper than anyone imagined. For, as Raker starts to suspect that even the police are lying to him, someone is watching."

Vanished, the third book in Tim Weaver's David Raker series, was given to me one Christmas by my mum, who (bless her) doesn't really know much about my reading taste other than, well, I like books. So, after unwrapping the book from the paper and having a glance at the blurb, it laid on my shelf - an anomaly - for some time. One day, I decided to force myself to read it, and, to my surprise, found myself enjoying it. Now I'm a little bit more grateful that my mum doesn't really know what to buy me, because it means I end up with books that I'd never have read otherwise. David Raker is an ex-journalist turned private detective; a man who has lost his own wife to cancer, dedicated to finding the missing. But it all comes at a cost. Sam is a man many believed to have been squeaky clean, but could he have been wrapped up in something much darker than anyone expected? As Raker hunts him down and gets deeper and deeper into the case, the lines become distorted until soon enough, Raker may be hunting a murderer. 

Something I love about this book is that it keeps you constantly guessing - you desperately want to know how Sam managed to get off the train unseen, why he left, and where he is now. Unfortunately for us, Weaver is a master of pacing and misdirection; which means that most of the second half of the novel isn't much about Sam at all, but about those that Raker suspects drove him away. Honestly, I can't say much about the plot without revealing something important that you shouldn't know; which just shows you how closely interwoven the story is. It leads you everywhere, to people and places you'd never expect. I really, really, enjoyed it, even though I'd never in my wildest dreams have picked up a detective/mystery/crime novel before this week. I hadn't even read the previous books in the series, although that didn't turn out to be much of a problem. 

I would definitely recommend this to anyone who is hesitant about getting into crime novels because, although you can play detective, you don't have to be chief of police to understand what's going on in the novel - though it's professional, it's not at all difficult for the Average Joe to interpret. Vanished is an awesome starting point for anyone who's unsure. But, be warned, the action goes on until the very last page...

Rating: ★★★★ 1/2

Great read, the only thing it really lacks is star quality and hype.

Ned Vizzini: "It's Kind of a Funny Story" // Review

~~~CONTAINS SPOILERS~~~

I was introduced to this book by my friend Jack (whose blog you can find HERE) some time ago when I was looking for a book from Waterstones. There was only one copy left in stock and it was a bit battered but, after considering a couple of other book suggestions, I decided Vizzini's book was most different from what I usually read. Predominantly it's about learning to live with depression, and finding your 'Anchor'. It's Kind of a Funny Story is as truly inspirational for sufferers as influential in changing the mindset of parents with depressed children and teenagers.

Something I really admire about Vizzini's writing in this novel is the simple terminology he is able to apply to such massively complex emotional states, which other people would no doubt struggle to describe. For example, an 'Anchor' is/can be something you enjoy which keeps you stable and grounded amidst your emotional turmoil. In contrast, 'Tentacles' was the name given to all the chores you have to endure which can worsen your mental health. (Simple, yet genius.) Craig's depression begins when he's accepted into a prestigious school, where he finds that all the classes and homework (his Tentacles) are just too much, and, after discontinuing his own medication, begins to sink even lower until he hits rock bottom; contemplating suicide. At the start of the novel I empathised and identified with Craig, although I didn't really connect with him because the reader only ever sees him when he's miserable or horny.

You do begin to connect with him, however, when his almost-suicide-attempt leads to him being admitted onto a psychiatric ward, where his personality begins to shine through thanks to all the eccentric and similarly troubled patients he meets there. Craig becomes likeable, or at least, more so. This point is definitely the best in the book; it's so uplifting to read about him finding friends and his love of art, which is enough to make him change his lifestyle and realise that his school was the problem all along. Importantly, It's Kind of a Funny Story was a semi-autobiographical novel detailing Vizzini's own teenage experience during a short stay in a psychiatric ward. At the end of the novel, Craig, who closely resembles Vizzini in many ways, certainly finds some kind of peace of mind. The same was true for Vizzini after his stay, up until his unexpected suicide in December 2013. I knew about the author's death prior to reading the book, so as well as being Craig's story, it also became Ned's. It was a saddening, bittersweet tale of a life salvaged and lost again, from my point of view.

What this book has done for awareness and understanding of depression is unparalleled. It also taught me about the importance of not making other people too important - not making a boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/family member your Anchor - which is something I really value. People are spontaneous and unpredictable; hobbies are stable and familiar. Rely on yourself more, guys. I can only wish that Vizzini was still around to see it touch the hearts and minds of parents and teenagers like me. RIP, Ned.

Rating: ★★★★☆

Cinema Experience of The Fault In Our Stars (2014)

The Fault In Our Stars being my absolute favourite book, I arrived at the cinema today with relatively low expectations. I thought they wouldn't be able to do it justice - and I must admit that part of this idea came from the fact that John Green wasn't able to direct it himself, as he is about to do for the movie adaptation of Paper Towns. I also wasn't entirely happy with the casting. After seeing the trailers, it almost seemed to be a universal opinion that Ansel, in particular, did not remind us, the book readers, of Augustus. He doesn't look like the character we fell in love with. But, despite this, I have to say, he completely won me around, and I'm sure I'm not alone there.

Ansel was everything Augustus was written to be: cheeky and cocky but also loving, concerned and gentle. Shailene was brilliant too; the scenes in which she had to break down and provoke or show emotion were beautifully executed and performed; they made the film. But, I don't know, she still doesn't remind me of Hazel. We only get to see a couple of her many layers - the audience doesn't see much of Hazel's unwavering inner strength. Sure, you see her climbing ladders whilst finding it almost impossible to breathe which is a feat in itself but you don't get to hear her monologue... you can't read her mind. When I read the book I learnt a lot about not fearing death through Hazel, but sadly for whatever reason the director must have spent most of his time on conducting romance as opposed to showing strength.

Although the director did a good job in terms of meeting the needs of stereotypical popular cinema for teenagers, there were some fatal flaws for fans of the book. Something that really bothered me in particular was the fact that Augustus' ex-girlfriend (who died of cancer before he met Hazel) was never mentioned, at all, possibly in attempt to make Hazel seem like the only girl that Augustus ever loved. To maybe over-romanticise their relationship to appeal to some, more naïve teenage girls. The reason this is fatal, for me, is that I considered Augustus' past relationship a huge part of his characterisation. It is true that, in a way, I disliked his character a little more at first because Hazel was not his one and only, but it is an important part of who Augustus is/was. The point is to grow to love him despite his hidden past and deliberate flaws, like Hazel does. We (if you read the book) learnt a lot through his ex-girlfriend's death (specifically through her Facebook wall) with regards to how most people react online when a person dies. This valuable information, this lesson, is not spread via the movie and is just another reason why you should read the book. It's a shame because a movie would have been a perfect platform to share those opinions on public reactions.

However, there has to be something said about a movie which can move you and reduce you to tears even when you know what's coming. My sister was in floods, I had a little cry, and my friend Josh went very quiet for a long while after it had finished. The girls in the cinema were inconsolable - to the point where I couldn't hear the film at times. This is why I recommend YOU WAIT until the DVD is released, or until you can view it on Netflix or Now TV. Perk 1) you get to cry in solitude, in the privacy of your own home... so less public embarrassment. Perk 2) no sobbing girls which somewhat ruin your cinema experience. Overall, it was an amazing adaptation and quite a nice - albeit, loud - atmosphere. Shailene's acting was truly second to none, Ansel made a perfect Augustus; all you have to do is ignore the rest of the audience, and the omitted storylines, and you'll be pretty happy with it. Genuinely. Expect to fall in love again. For another great review of the movie, check out my friend Keisha's blog >HERE<.

Rating: ★★★ 1/2

Kazuo Ishiguro: "Never Let Me Go" // Review

"As children, Ruth, Kathy and Tommy spend their childhood at a seemingly idyllic English boarding school. As they grow into young adults, they find that they have to come to terms with the strength of the love they feel for each other, while preparing themselves for the haunting reality that awaits them. Never Let Me Go is an unforgettable story of love, friendship and the fragility of life."

Whilst Never Let Me Go is sometimes ethically intriguing, it's also rather dull. Like the film, it was slow, quiet and hard to get into. I'll be honest, there were occasions when I really had to force myself to pick the book up and continue reading - yet despite my efforts I feel like I got nothing out of it. At times there wasn't as much dialogue as I'd like, especially between Kathy and Tommy; whose relationship deserved to be established and explored in more depth than it ever was in the book. This is probably why the film adaption of the novel takes the edge for me, considering it leads you to believe Kathy and Tommy spent a lot more time together than they were actually written to have. One thing that does annoy me about the film though is that Kathy is made to appear a virginal, shy type. In the book she has many fleeting relationships, which, again, are never explored in any detail but are vital to mention when it comes to her characterisation.

Although the blurb makes this big thing about "an unforgettable story of love", I'd argue against it. If Tommy had never said to Kath, "We loved each other all our lives," then you may not have realised that was ever the case. Even when they (SPOILER ALERT!) become a couple, there's never a soft caress; Tommy never pushes her hair behind her ear... you know, all the things you'd expect from two people who have, supposedly, been longing to be together all their lives. Even then, it's just "sometimes, we had sex." And, yes, that is an exact quote, which I believe is said more than once. I shouldn't judge him seeing as I've only read one of his books, but as far as I can gather, Ishiguro's talent does not extend to creating complex loving relationships. It's all very minimalist and he doesn't go too far in his descriptions. In fact, I have never seen such disparity when it comes to describing characters and what they look like, either! In his defence, though, I'm not sure if his lack of description of the clones was to emphasise their unimportance in the eyes of the humans.

One clever thing about the novel though, being dystopian, is that it really does make you think - even without posing a single question. You do consider what you'd like the fate of the clones to be. On the other hand, it is very forgettable. Nothing really happens, and nothing ever shocked me - although I suppose I had some sort of idea about the ending because I'd already watched the film. Nonetheless, if I saw someone about to read it, I'd direct them to put it back where they got it. That may seem a bit harsh, but I'm a big believer in that books are supposed to make you feel. Ishiguro just doesn't do it for me.

To keep up with what books I'm reading, visit my Goodreads page at: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/32076954-meaghan

Music Journalism // Best Of Twitter

Some might say that over the years I have accumulated quite a large following on Twitter. As it stands I have around 1.7k followers, and that number is ever-increasing. A large portion of that figure is made up of bands, artists, or their representatives (I can only assume this is because of my own music taste which is quite evident on my account if you have the time to look through the long list of bands I follow). Frequently now, I am contacted by members of bands that are not as well known, who ask me to listen to their debut songs on YouTube, or, if I'm lucky, they may even send me a free album. Recently this has been occurring more and more, with around seven requests from bands in the past two days. This contact with bands or their associates is, frankly, brilliant for me because at some point in the future I would love to become a music journalist. I realised that I could help some of these bands get started by recommending some of the best songs I'm sent, to you, blog readers, and simultaneously improve my chances of a career in the field. If not, it's good practice and good fun.

1) Living Proof by The Gift of Ghosts

Sent to me by band member Rich on his account @RichTGOG, this was definitely the best, most promising, well-produced song I've been linked to in a long time... maybe ever. Rich actually directed me to a lyric video, which I also thought was very professionally made. After a couple of listens, I was completely hooked on both the words and sound. Out of everything I've been sent, Living Proof was the only song I liked enough to publically recommend on my own Twitter account. I genuinely believe that The Gift of Ghosts could rival most signed rock bands as they're a perfect example of a band that knows what they have to do to get where they want to. Definitely listen to Living Proof if you're a fan of Crown The Empire or Bring Me The Horizon -  although I wouldn't recommend it if you can't stomach a bit of screaming.

Watch the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83BA04_IyQ0&feature=youtu.be

@TheGiftOfGhosts

facebook.com/TheGiftOfGhosts



2) Jury Of Wolves by Outline In Color

@OutlineInColor approached me to draw my attention to their album 'Jury of Wolves' on iTunes. I'm not an iTunes user but I took it upon myself to check out their YouTube account instead. I have a feeling that Jury of Wolves would be extremely popular with the metal-heads amongst you, although I must admit it's a little heavier than the music I usually store on my phone. It went down well with my friends who enjoy screamo a lot more than me. That said, the verses provide a nice contrast from the rest of the song and for me they make the song worthwhile. You can decide for yourselves by watching the lyric video below. With regard to Outline In Color's other songs that haven't been mentioned in this blog, I do have a bit of a problem with the screaming going on over the singing. I'd recommend a listen if you like Memphis May Fire or Asking Alexandria.

Watch the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z94DQBUVXvk

@OutlineInColor

facebook.com/OutlineInColor

3) Under The Weather by Above The Underground
Above The Underground were one of the generous bands. They got in touch with me to thank me for my follow back, and offered me a free download of their new album 'Sonder' in return. Today though I searched them on YouTube and came across a gem from one of their older records, Autumn, called 'Under The Weather'. Above The Underground make the kind of music I'm really into and what's even better is that they're a home-grown band from Cheshire, UK. You might be a fan if you like Blink-182. (And also, no screaming!)

Watch the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTc_ZueSgh0

@ATUpoppunk


facebook.com/abovetheundergrounduk

Members of Diamond Days, Tempting Fate (not to be confused with my friends' band Tempted Fate), Forgotten Fallacy and Glory For An Idol all got in touch but sadly their songs didn't make my top three. Bands are nothing without their fans, guys, and every one could use some help in one way or another. Listen to them on Spotify, like their Facebook pages, follow them on Twitter, subscribe on YouTube... please do whatever you can to show them support.

If you'd like to see your band on a blog like this please private message me on my Twitter account @HUNTY0UD0WN by clicking >here<

(links correct June 2014. This post also appears on www.b4ndwagon.blogspot.com)

Monday 26th May 2014 // Monthly Favourites

Within the past couple of days (now that AS exams are over and I actually have some free time) I've finally had time to rekindle some love for my favourite past-times. Yesterday I managed to see my best friend Jayson again, but other than that I've really been enjoying my own company. I don't know why. This means that I've spent quite a lot of time alone; whether it be watching movies, reading books, blogging, writing songs or whatever.

One thing I've rediscovered, is my love of Italy and all things Italian. I was having a discussion with a couple of college friends about what the hell I'm going to do if I fail my AS-Levels when I began to consider spending some time in Italy; which hadn't crossed my mind in a while. When I was quite young, I picked up a book called 'Pretty Face' by Mary Hogan, which I wouldn't recommend reading unless you're around 13-14, but nonetheless when I read it I became obsessed with a small town named Assisi, which is situated within the Umbria region of Italy. The book told the story of how a largely overweight girl was sent over to Italy (specifically, Assisi) where it was believed she could lose some weight. The main character managed this by climbing the mountain there every day in order to see her friend/boyfriend Enzo. It's all very gay but it's a lovely story to read if you're a young teenager, or if you just feel like falling in love with Assisi. Since then, I've had an overwhelming urge to visit Italy, and who knows, maybe even spend a portion of my life there. If I'm really gonna go all out on this 'all things Italian' point, I could also mention Marcus Butler's YouTube video "Drunk In Italy". I watched the video with a friend at a sleepover, and was amazed by the fact that they actually party in the streets! It's just that you wouldn't see a rave on the pavement in England, complete with strobe lights and everything, now, would you?

Leading on from this first point, I've also rediscovered my love for learning languages. Even before I read 'Pretty Face', I was well on my way to learning basic Italian, and a little bit more French. At this point I might only have been 8 or 9 years old. I was short of things to do at weekends so I attempted to learn Italian by reading a short children's Learn Italian book, and learning French via PC-CD ROM. Recently I realised that hardly any of either language has stuck in my head - if you asked me to speak a sentence in Italian I would have said something as simple as "Caio, amore mio" - and I can say even less in French. Annoyed at myself for letting it slip, I spoke to my friend Dan about it, who shares a passion for languages (though he's much more concerned with German). He was able to direct me to a free app on the Google Play store called 'Duolingo' which is extremely helpful for learning languages. I've been using the app for four days and I can already speak Italian to a Level 6 standard. It'll be vital that I learn at least some of the language if I want to stay in Italy long-term. If you're interested in learning a language, I highly recommend this app as you can go at your own pace, and you can choose whichever language you like. It also reminds you at intervals to keep up with studying at times when particular sections might be fading from your memory.

Something entirely new I discovered just over a month ago is Game of Thrones. I can't say with certainty that I know all the characters' names or that I understand all the story-lines because I have only seen from the end of Season 3, but I did fall in love with the Sixth Episode of Season Four: 'The Laws of Gods and Men,' where we begin to see (almost) everyone rally against Tyrion who is by far my favourite character. And I have to say *spoiler alert* "I DEMAND A TRIAL BY COMBAT!" was definitely the highlight of the season. I would love to read the books, but sadly I don't have any yet. Plus, I'm already started on two books, 'It's Kind Of A Funny Story' and House Of Night's 'Revealed,' as well as having purchased three books (including The Lovely Bones and Eragon) over the weekend. Surely, there'll be some book reviews coming your way soon.

Meaghan xx

Tuesday 8th April 2014 // Fibro-Fog Sucks

I could probably write everything that was good about today on one finger. I am not okay. Today's post is probably going to be a bit emotional; and we all know I'm not great at putting emotion into words so please, bare with me.

Honestly, I don't think I've ever felt so shit in all my life. At the start of the day there were some minuscule problems, like having overdue psychology work and more than my fair share of mocks due in. These things maybe affected me subconsciously but weren't a factor in the decline of my mental stability until the other problems started piling up. There were then the 'minor' problems - which aren't really minor at all, but are minor compared to how I'm feeling right now - which include having to deal with someone whose intentions I'm not entirely sure about. I mean to say that she's messing me about a bit. This lack of clarity is making me uncertain about the entire friendship and at the moment I'm not even able to be around her without becoming extremely stressed. I apologise for mentioning that because I know that she can be lovely, but everyone has two sides, and being completely honest with myself and others is a huge part of my therapy. Another of these 'minor' problems was finding out the extent of my Fibromyalgia.

My case of Fibromyalgia is believed to be genetic, as my mum suffers from the same condition. When I was younger, I suffered from recurring bouts of pain in my legs, which were always perceived to be "growing pains" until they continued into my mid-teens (although I haven't grown in at least two years). Even though the pain was debilitating, as a youngster I was excited to have the "growing pains" because, well, what kid isn't excited to grow? But as a teenager they're becoming less and less welcome. Rushing from the bus stop to the college door becomes a full-on workout for my legs - which have always been the worst affected area. To solve this problem I've begun catching an earlier bus, so I don't have to walk as fast, although this means getting up early. When I was diagnosed I wasn't well informed about the condition; I was just told that I need to eat healthily and take it easy. I learnt the rest from my mum and grandma. Today, I decided I wasn't comfortable with only half the picture and decided to research into it a bit further (but only on the NHS website of course, which I feel is the most reliable source). To my dismay, I realised I was having lots of the other symptoms, too... symptoms I didn't even know existed and were a part of my Fibromyalgia.

"As well as widespread pain, people with Fibromyalgia may also have: increased sensitivity to pain, fatigue (extreme tiredness), muscle stiffness, difficulty sleeping, problems with mental processes (known as "fibro-fog") such as problems with memory and concentration, headaches and IBS."

It was genuinely the first time I'd ever heard about any of this, besides the muscle problems. Of course, those who know me will know I'm always tired. When I lie down to sleep, it just doesn't happen, and this leaves me with a lot of sleep debt that I'm unable to 'pay off'. I also suffer from some stiffness in the muscles, which usually only occurs near my elbow when I'm carrying bags, or, again, in my legs. I do suffer from some headaches, although they usually don't manifest themselves enough to bother me. What does bother me, however, is the "fibro-fog". And I bloody hate the name of it because it sounds so happy, but it's making me the most miserable person right now. Although I didn't know it existed until today, little did I know I wrote a blog about it only a few weeks ago, which you can find HERE. In it I talk in more depth about my memory loss, and what I believed the causes of it were, although we know now that I was completely wrong. Well... not entirely wrong, because also on the NHS website was a segment about the causes of Fibromyalgia:

"The condition appears to be triggered by a physically or emotionally challenging event, such as: an injury or infection, giving birth, having an operation, the breakdown of a relationship, or the death of a loved one."

I won't go too far into it because it feels like I'd be trying to convince you that I have the condition - which is not something I'm prepared to do - but I will say that 3/5 of those criteria have happened to me in the last 6 months. I have a recurring infection in a gland in my leg, which at times returns so badly that surgery is considered, whilst I've also split up with Jayson and lost my Grandad recently. I've also been avoiding lessons in which I'm aware I'd need to seriously work, because I cannot concentrate for long enough to complete it. Nor am I in any position to stress myself out further. Now I know my concentration issue is a part of my illness I've been able to accept that part of myself, and provide a medical reason as to why I can't attend. Most teachers have been extremely sympathetic about it.

But what annoys me - what really annoys me - is how it's affecting my ability to maintain a relationship. Since I've started at college I have tried to feel something, anything, but nope, nothing's happening. I mean, I've peaked at times, but my emotions are still really confusing to me. Because of this I feel like I'm letting people down and that's the last thing I want. I have never disliked myself this much.

Meaghan xx

M. Scott Peck: "The Road Less Travelled" // PART ONE // Notes

~WARNING guys, this is going to be a long one!~

Recently I've taken to buying books from charity shops, though that is not to say that charity shops are my one source of literary income. Nor am I saying there's any shame in buying a few from there - especially if they're good quality - but if you end up loving the book it's my personal preference to go and buy a new copy from Waterstones, WHSmith or wherever. In the past few weeks I've bought about five, I reckon, but I haven't yet finished any of them. The one I've started is a kind of 'self-help' book, written by psychiatrist M. Scott Peck, called 'The Road Less Travelled' which is described as 'A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth'. I was particularly intrigued by this book as I quite recently went through a break-up which left me wondering about the true definition of love (i.e. does it really exist, or is it just dependency? etc.) and also I've always been keen on psychiatry and psychology, though I'd never previously read any novel-type books on the subjects. This being a 'Number 1 International Bestseller,' I thought it may be a good place to start. The blurb was also very persuasive:

"Confronting and solving problems is a painful process which most of us attempt to avoid. And the very avoidance results in greater pain and an inability to grow both mentally and spiritually. Drawing heavily on his own professional experience, Dr. M. Scott Peck, a practising psychiatrist, suggests ways in which facing our difficulties - and suffering through the changes - can enable us to reach a higher level of self-understanding. He discusses the nature of loving relationships: how to recognise true compatibility; how to distinguish dependency from love; how to become one's own person and how to be a more sensitive parent. This book is a phenomenon. Continuously on the US bestseller list for five years, it will change your life."

Immediately, the first thing I liked about it was the vocabulary. The terminology isn't hard to follow at all, despite being a book written by an intellectual. Of course, it's challenging, but there was nothing I couldn't get my head around. I see it as an old book because it was first published in 1983 - that's over ten years before I arrived on the planet - and I have to admit, being a teenager, reading a book where the author still refers to himself, or the reader, as "one," did strike me as a bit peculiar. But anyhow, I was content. As I read I tended to highlight the most important parts; the things I'd like to remember. While I have the chance, I'd like to share them with you, readers, so that you don't necessarily have to read the whole book if you don't want to, but you'll still gain something.

In the first chapter, focussed on 'Problems and Pain', Peck suggests how to overcome problems. He writes, "Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult... the fact that life is difficult no longer matters." Whilst this could be seen as a reductionist point of view, Peck backs it up with another point: that humans treat life as if it should be easy, although we're all well aware that at times it's not. But we go on about it like it's our God-given right to have an easy life - moaning about everything that is thrown our way. He adds, "We procrastinate, hoping that they [the problems] will go away. We ignore them, forget them, pretend they do not exist. We even take drugs to assist us in ignoring them." Essentially, the formation of negative thoughts and opinions are truly a form of distraction from our problems which we should be fighting to confront or overcome. But the one quote that really opened my eyes in this section was: "The tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness." So basically, avoidance is a big, fat "not normal" and by ignoring our problems we are acting as irrational as a mentally-ill person... brilliant. Peck provides a solution: "To willingly confront a problem early, before we are forced to confront it by circumstances, means to put aside something pleasant for something more painful. It is choosing to suffer now," rather than more so in the future.

But hang on - procrastination? Don't we all procrastinate? Isn't it a bit weird to say that procrastination is, in a way, wrong? Well the simple answer to that question is no. Procrastination is avoidance. We all do it. Just because it is practised by the majority of people, it doesn't mean it can't be unhealthy. However, just when you think Peck is against procrastination, he criticises himself - saying: "It is our frontal lobes, our capacity to think and examine ourselves that most makes us human." In my opinion it is this which sometimes leads to stubbornness or impulsiveness; both stereotypical qualities of teenagers. Because of this, teenagers can be notoriously hard to work with or rehabilitate. He explains, "Adolescents are resentful of any attempt to intervene in their lifestyle of impulsiveness, and even when this resentment can be overcome by warmth and friendliness... it is often so severe that it precludes their participation in the process of psychotherapy." In all honesty, this thought scared me - because he's so right. I'm seventeen years old and I'm still so resistant to change. This quote almost made me want to give up on the idea of counselling altogether because I'm not sure I'd actually be willing to negotiate my lifestyle. When you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, you don't really want someone else to decide which one you go crashing into, do you?

Sentimentality can also be a huge obstacle. Writing about one of his patients, Peck says: "When confronted with a personal problem, she behaved as if she were totally lacking in intelligence... she was not willing to tolerate her discomfort long enough to analyse the problem." For me, at the moment, I would say this is my biggest flaw. If a close friend makes us feel terrible for long periods of time, we absolutely have the right to walk away from them. We are torn between a positive relationship which is somewhat inconstant, and knowing that torment and pain could be avoided if we chose to let them go. I am the kind of person that chooses the pain. If you believe Peck, this could be down to an insufficiency of self-worth. To quote: "When one considers oneself valuable, then we will feel our time to be valuable, and if we feel our time to be valuable, then we will want to use it well."  This reminded me of the popular Stephen Chbosky quote, "We accept the love we think we deserve." Simply put, we need to have respect for ourselves and to recognise our time as important and significant in order to get things done. According to Peck, if we use our days unproductively then we lack self-worth and also self-discipline. I can definitely relate to this. Recently I referred to my life as a series of "reward, reward, reward, WORK" (where the term "reward" means anything I enjoy and "work" means anything I do not enjoy) when really it is far more logical to systemise your days into "WORK, reward, WORK, reward."

Another of my favourite quotes from the first few chapters is, "The only way we can be certain that our map of reality is valid is to expose it to the criticism and challenge of other map-makers." Here, the 'map of reality' is a term used to describe the path we have chosen to take and 'map-makers' are simply other people - maybe your friends, or your family. What Peck is saying, effectively, is that it is wise not to make independent decisions. You are bias to your emotions. Other people are far more skilled at recognising what is bad for you, what is taking its toll on you or what you'd be better without. In a way, I see this blog as a way of exposing my life to other people, especially when I write personal posts. That'll be all for now, guys, but I'm certain I'll write more as I continue to read.

Tuesday 11th March 2014 // Jack's 17th Birthday!

You know me, I love a good moan, but today I'm happy! Despite waking up with muscle pain near my dodgy gland (which suffers from reoccurring infections) and considering the fact that I probably can't put off surgery any longer, that is. After cuddling up to an ice-pack and drugging myself up with Ibuprofen last night, I woke up able to walk - which is always a blessing - and a good thing too because it's Jack's birthday. Being the poor student that I am I was only able to contribute a can of Coke to his cause but he didn't seem to mind.

Tuesdays are usually a bit of a bummer for me because most of the people I'd consider my 'best friends' are off but today was a total anomaly. It started off slow like normal, with Jack and I being forced to sit through Adele's Psychology lesson against our will, but soon picked up once everyone got into the spirit. Jack was completely spoilt by Keisha's family and, bless him, he had to lug about a massive cake for all of us to share. I'm not really a cake person but even I indulged. Later on, my English classmates and I were informed that our usual teacher wouldn't be in, and so we decided to skip our lesson with a substitute to go and celebrate Jack's birthday in style, which is where the fun really began.

Jack, Keisha, Shari, Manleen and I made our way into town and bought a decent amount of booze with the little money we had left, then sat by the river to drink to our heart's content. We sat on the grass listening to old music; my empty stomach meaning that I got pretty tipsy pretty quickly, but we were all still sober enough to tell Jack all the things we loved about him. For Keisha it was the little things in their relationship, for me it was the support he'd shown me in hard times. Shari was thankful for their long-lasting friendship and Manleen gave her reasons too. We went and pulled up a couple of daffodils for him, who unzipped his rucksack just enough to keep them showing. Cairo turned up and I even tried Shari's e-light (though to say I was crap at smoking it would be an understatement) although I'm pretty sure I wouldn't smoke a real cigarette no matter how drunk I was.

I knew I was making a fool of myself, but I didn't care all too much because everyone was happy and smiley. I don't think I've ever heard Keisha laugh so much. Obviously, it sucked that Paige wasn't there 'cuz she's basically my drinking buddy, but that said I know there'll be plenty more awesome days ahead for our little group to share. Today felt really special, like I was experiencing college life as it's supposed to be.

Hasta la vista! Meaghan xx

Friday 28th February 2014 // Mental Illnesses Aren't 'Labels'

For those of you who aren't AS Psychology students, let me assure you that the Rosenhan "Being Sane in Insane Places" core study is every bit as controversial, but not nearly as philosophical or respectable, as the title sounds. That is, pretending to be mentally ill - Schizophrenic to be exact - in the hopes that you can research how easy it is to get into a psychiatric hospital, is just a tiny bit unethical. Nowadays I tend to write blog-posts on things that have caught my eye; good or bad. Today, I'm moaning... again. I might take it up professionally. Anyway, the two aims of the Rosenhan study are as follows: 

1. "Find out whether mental health professionals can truly tell the difference between the sane and the insane"

2. "Discover the consequences of being labelled as insane"

What really got to me was the use of the word "labelled". Labelling someone as mentally ill. You cannot label someone with a mental illness! They either have one or they don't - in the same way that a Diabetes sufferer has not been labelled, they have been diagnosed. All the way through the core study it's labelled, labelled, labelled, and I'll be honest, I got bloody sick of it. Labels are social tags. Emo is a label, slag is a label, goth could even be classed as a label - but not Schizophrenia. It's a serious mental illness and a medical term, yet even my Psychology tutor was surrendering to the core study, spouting the word "label" just as much as the paper in front of me.

In her defence, she must not know that I have a mother with Schizophrenia. I thought about sticking my hand up in the air and arguing, but what would be the point? I have no doubt that she'd defend herself with some intelligent but still wrong response; leaving me with no chance but to agree with her, but no way in Hell was that happening. I didn't want to look like an idiot, nor did I really want to be that girl, the one that has to point out her mother is mentally ill. I didn't really want everyone in the room looking at me every time Schizophrenia is mentioned.

What I'd suggest to all teachers is, if you're studying a sensitive topic like mental illness with a group of teenagers, please find out beforehand if there's anyone in the class it might strike a nerve with. And please make sure you don't offend them by reducing a mental illness to a "label".

Meaghan

Wednesday 12th February 2014 // Grandad Bill

Hi, guys.

I'll start this post by saying that my best friend, Jayson, left for Paris on Sunday morning and I was very uncertain about how I would feel about him going away. Those who know me will know that we dated for three years, and there wasn't a day that went by without us talking. Obviously, with him going abroad, I wasn't expecting a message. I thought I'd find it hard to cope, or miss him terribly - but as it turned out, there were more important things to think about. My Grandad was taken into hospital on Monday afternoon because he was struggling to breathe, so I started spending a lot of time in hospital with him. (Jayson texted me at least once every night, so that made life less stressful than it could have been.)

My Grandad had a condition called Angina, which was caused by passive smoking (whereby you don't actively smoke yourself but breathe in the harsh chemicals from the cigarettes other people are smoking. I like to call it "smoking by association"). We thought Angina was the reason he was struggling for his breath - and we were partly right - but none of us could have guessed the extent of the problem. A few weeks ago, he had been hospitalised in Nottingham, where he was treated for external Shingles. My family didn't find out until yesterday, but Shingles had activated another virus; one which covered the walls of his lungs and chest. Coupled with his Angina, and his age, he didn't stand much chance of fighting it off. Grandad died on Tuesday evening, aged 81, surrounded by his family. Me, my sister, my Dad, my Uncle, and my Uncle's wife, were all present. My cousin Kim and her husband, Michael, were just a few minutes too late. While Grandad was alive, I never said goodbye. I felt guilty about it for a few minutes until I realised that I was there at the end; I never left. No need to say goodbye, and no need to feel guilty.

He looked peaceful, almost like he was sleeping. My Dad is devastated. He's only 41 years old and has lost both his parents. If you read my blog often, you'll know that he was planning a trip up to Banff this year to commemorate 10 years since my Grandma's death. Instead of being a chance to remember my Grandma, it will now be a bittersweet trip - considering my Grandad wants us to throw his ashes up there. To be near my Grandma. Well, half of him. He wants the other half in Blackpool. As you can tell, he loved the seaside. He used to tell me and my sister than when he died he'd reincarnate into a seagull and he'd let us know it was him because he'd poo on us. You'll also know that I used to be scared of the big grey chimneys in Derby Hospital, next to the mortuary. Although I still find them eerie, they won't remind me of my childhood fears anymore, or my Mum's illness, they'll remind me of Grandad's life.

The things I want to remember about Grandad:

• How he slapped his leg and laughed when he found something really funny.
• Him calling everybody, everywhere, "duck," however inappropriate.
• How he treated everyone with the same courtesy and respect.
• His love of photography, family, animals, and the occasional fridge magnet.
• How he'd tap my arm when I hugged him.
• How he'd draw a picture of his budgie on every card he signed.
• How proud of me he was! When I used to run, and play football, he backed me all the way - running after me with a camera on sports day at primary school. He even used to keep the little poems I wrote for him. If it weren't for him I'd never have been published in any book.

Grandad was the kindest, sweetest, nicest, most generous man I have ever had the good fortune of knowing and I have absolutely no doubts about which direction he's gone. I know the saying is common, but Heaven definitely gained an angel. He's with Grandma, somewhere. I love you.

Tuesday 4th February 2014 // Dad's Tattoo (For Grandma Muriel)

While I waited anxiously at home for my doctor's appointment, my Dad went out to get his 20-somethingth tattoo. This one was inspired by Banksy's artwork of the little girl holding a balloon; although Dad asked the tattooist (who happens to be our cousin, Abby) to change the girl into a boy so it would represent himself. I should mention that the tattoo is dedicated to my Grandma Muriel, his mother, who passed away almost ten years ago. The anniversary's coming up soon... this May.

When Dad told me about the idea, I loved it. My Grandma died when I was seven years old and to this day I still feel like I lost a best friend. In the years after her death, I'd often write her name on a balloon and watch it fly into the sky (her real name was Alice, but she always asked to be called Muriel - her middle name). So not only is the tattoo symbolic of my Dad; it's also symbolic of me and my sister.

It's not the first memorial tattoo Dad's had for his mum - the first was a script which reads 'Rest In Peace' one way and 'Dear Mother' the other, depending on where you're viewing it from.

A couple of years ago my Dad and I, along with my siblings Arron and Tiegan and our Grandad Bill, went up to Banff in Scotland, where my Grandma was born, to walk down the streets that she once walked down. For the 10th anniversary of her death, we're hoping to go back up there and put some flowers on her parents' grave, where her ashes were thrown. I really love it there and I'm hoping my Dad does decide to go up - a lot. It's sad that Arron probably won't be joining us, or my Grandad Bill. I know my Grandma would have wanted that. She died at 69 years old of a "hole in the heart" or Septal Defect, while awaiting treatment for throat cancer.

Meaghan xx

John Green: "The Fault In Our Stars" // Review

"Despite the tumour-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid Support Group, Hazel's story is about to be completely rewritten."

The Fault In Our Stars, probably one of the world's best-loved books, comes as the most compelling read I've had in a very long time. Since I've been seventeen, I've been more inclined to read more 'mature' books and move away (although not completely away) from books about supernatural or mythological goings-on like that of Meg Cabot's "Underworld" and others. If you're attempting to do the same, The Fault In Our Stars would be a wonderful place to start. Although fictitious, this book felt very real to me.

I've read John Green before, beginning with his book "Looking For Alaska". Although it was an okay read, it didn't hit me like The Fault In Our Stars; which had me constantly turning pages from 3pm to 11:45pm last night. When you can read a book in a day, you know you're in love with it. One thing I loved about it was that it is out of the ordinary. Hazel, the book's main character, is on a completely fictitious drug called Pholanxifor which makes her cancer manageable; at least for now. The fact that John Green made up Pholanxifor is astounding to me. It was a genius idea - it allows the reader some distance from the modern-day situation, where the sad reality is that drugs like Pholanxifor just don't exist. With this in mind, you can read the book like a fantasy or maybe even a watered-down sci-fi. However, I did not discover the drug wasn't in existence until the book's final pages - and so everything in the book was very real to me at the time of reading it.

Another thing I loved was the use of intertextuality (I'm going all 'English Literature student' on you here, but it's true); whereby The Fault In Our Stars has connections with a fictional book Green creates called "An Imperial Affliction". Green writes about this as Hazel's favourite book. I was under the impression that it really existed, although that doesn't, either! Anyway, AIA supposedly ends mid-sentence with the assumption that the main character died in the middle of writing; leaving Hazel with an unavoidable urge to find out how it ends before she herself dies. Throughout the book I was so scared that The Fault In Our Stars would end mid-sentence too - but (SPOILER) I'm so glad that it didn't. I'm so glad that we never have to hear about how Hazel dies.

I am also able to say that I actually learned something from this book. There are many quotable lines, which you'll undoubtedly come across if you log onto Tumblr, but there is one section of text which, more than any other, I found solace in. When thinking about her own death, Hazel says, "I kept thinking there were two kinds of adults... Neither of these futures struck me as particularly desirable. It seemed to me that I had already seen everything pure and good in the world, and I was beginning to suspect that even if death didn't get in the way, the kind of love that Augustus and I share could never last... Nothing gold can stay."
Although I do not imagine myself becoming terminally ill often, this book makes you question how you would handle such an event. This quote resonated with me - and if I was dying, I imagine words like this would comfort me. The way John Green has put himself into the mind of someone with cancer is incredible and although the book is not all doom and gloom, it has been written in such an exquisite way that you almost don't feel pity for cancer sufferers anymore - you respect them.

So, if you have a day to spare, pick this book up. I cannot stress that enough. Don't fear that it will make you depressed, because that's not the effect it had on me, although I did have doubts about that before I opened the book. There will be tears, I'm not going to lie, but they will be very, very worth it. God help me when the movie comes out.